


A Bunny Isn't Just for Hogswatchnight, It's For Death's Birthday

by defeatedbyabridge



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-22
Updated: 2007-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1637351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defeatedbyabridge/pseuds/defeatedbyabridge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reality's falling apart, and Death's stuck in the middle. With bunnies. He'd almost prefer slavering tentacley beasty thingies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bunny Isn't Just for Hogswatchnight, It's For Death's Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Lina

 

 

Hippetty-Hoppetty Bunny was a happy bunny. In fact, he was a happy Fuzzy Bunny. He was fuzzy from the tips of his little ears all the way down to his little fuzzy bunny tail. He lived with the other Fuzzy Bunnies in Fuzzy Bunny Forest, and it was time for the Annual Fuzzy Bunny Banquet, which was being held just a teensy bit late as the banquet table had gone missing, but thanks to teamwork and a few whimsical, adorable misunderstandings, it was now found and ready for the Banquet in Fuzzy Bunny Meadow!

Hippetty-Hoppetty Bunny settled himself down at one end of the table with all of the other Fuzzy Bunnies. On either side of him were Snuffly Bunny and Twitchy Bunny. Twitchy Bunny had been very sad to learn that they were out of Fuzzy Bunny Coffee. The table was covered with scrumptious treats; including Marshmallow Surprise (the surprise was that there were no marshmallows! Imagine!), Fuzzy Bunny Pink Lemonade, and something called Fuzzy Bunny Biscotti, which had been provided by Twitchy Bunny. 

"Hooray for Fuzzy Bunnies!" Hippetty-Hoppetty said. He clapped his paws in delight. 

"Hooray!" said Snuffly Bunny.

"Hooray!" said Twitchy Bunny, twitching.

"Hooray!" said Happy Bunny.

"Hooray!" said Cuddly Bunny. 

"Hooray!"

ER, HOORAY.

"Hooray!"

"Hooray!"

Hippetty-Hoppetty peered at the other end of the table, past the big wobbly tower of Wobbly Jelly Surprise. "Are you all right, fellow Bunny?" he asked. "You don't sound very happy. Perhaps we all need to do the Fuzzy Bunny Dance, to light up your heart and remind you about the powers of teamwork and love!" 

The Bunny - Hippetty-Hoppetty wasn't sure about his name - stood up hastily. His face was awfully bony underneath his Fuzzy Bunny fur, and he didn't seem to like his Fuzzy Bunny overall, which was rainbow-coloured. In fact, he was taking it off! He had a strange object in one hand that looked like it could've come from Farmer Naughty's garden shed. NO, THANK YOU, I MUST BE GOING-

"Too late!" Snuffly Bunny said happily. 

They all leapt up from the table and surrounded Strange Bunny, who looked startled. So startled, he even twitched his bony nose in a startled kind of way. He poked at the object in his paws. The invisible big band struck up a merry, saucy tune, full of trombones and trumpets. 

Holding paws, all of the other Bunnies began to dance, in perfect unison. Twitchy was a little slow to start, and muttered something like, "Do what he says, dude! My sister wanted to study IT instead of hop through the woods! I haven't seen her in two years!" 

The song started. "The minute you sat down to tea." [they swayed their little bunny tails to the left, then the right] "We could tell you were a sad little Bunny, a real grumpy Bunny." [they pantomimed crying faces, which was difficult with all of their naturally happy bunny grins.] "Bony-looking! So-o blue." "Say, wouldn't you like to know what we'll do with you?" [Strange Bunny held up the object to his face and shook it.] "Now let us get right to the point." [they swayed their little bunny tails to the left, then right again.] "We don't like to see non-con-for-mi-ty. . ."

The object lit up. The same blue as the sky as seen from the kitchen window in Hippetty-Hoppetty's little cottage in Fuzzy Bunny Wood. 

WHEW.

Strange Bunny disappeared.

* * *

Brer Rabbit pleaded. "Oh, no, no sirree! Don't throw me in that briar patch!" 

Brer Fox held him up by the scruff of his neck. "Now, then, Brer Rabbit, you've been misbehavin' for a long time, and you got to be punished. Ain't that right, Brer Bear?"

"He sure don't want to get thrown in that briar patch," Brer Bear nodded. "Maybe that's what we should do then, Brer Fox. What do you think, Brer Death?"

OH DEAR. THIS ISN'T RIGHT AT ALL.

There was a blue flash.

* * *

"You're back!" Albert sighed in relief. "I thought we'd lost you for good this time, Master." He twiddled the end of his tatty cigar between his fingers. You might give other people a hug, when you thought they'd died. Or vanished forever, or whatever anthropomorphic personifications did. But hugging a walking skeleton could mean you'd end up with limbs or jewellery getting caught in between hip bones. And while Albert would've been mildly disgruntled to lose a limb, he really _liked_ his occult jewellery. *

IT HAS BEEN MOST INCONVENIENT. Death felt at the top of his cowl. THERE WAS AN INCIDENT. WITH RABBITS. IT WENT BADLY RATHER QUICKLY, UNFORTUNATELY. MARSHMALLOW SURPRISE LOOKED QUITE INTERESTING. HOWEVER, I AM GLAD IT IS OVER. 

"Let me get those for you, Master." Death leaned over. Albert reached up and pulled off the two bunny ears. "Were they rabbits on the Discworld, or somewhere else?"

THEY SEEMED TO BE FROM A DIFFERENT REALITY. SOMETHING TO DO WITH STORIES. THEY WERE NOT OUR FRIENDS FROM ANOTHER WORLD WHO HAD THAT UNFORTUNATE TRANSLATION INCIDENT WHICH PUT WARREN KETTLECASE IN HOSPITAL, EITHER. 

Albert winced. He hadn't known Warren very well, but there are some incidents which make you walk funny for a while even if you weren't personally involved. **

Albert pointed at the misshapen device. "So you still have no idea where this came from?"

NO. AT LEAST IT SEEMS TO HAVE STOPPED. I'LL JUST PUT IT DOWN OVER - WHOOPS. 

There was another blue flash.

_*especially the necklace with the little blue duckie on it._

_**such as the curious incident of the dog in the night time, which was particularly curious in that no one knew how such a small dog could've eaten so much and then hacked it up all over Treacle Mine Road._

* * *

"Ahead space warp factorial 7, Ensign!" ordered Captain Handsomebunny of the Bunny Alliance. 

Ensign Mildlyattractivebunny said smartly, "Yes, SIR!" and sent their wondrous ship hurtling through the stars. 

"Another successful mission, Captain," Commander Alienbunny said. He stepped down to stand next to the command chair. 

* * *

Albert gasped. "You! It was you!"

* * *

Handsomebunny struck a handsome pose, designed to show off his handsome, yet self-deprecating, bucktoothed grin. "Yes, Commander, I'm relieved we were able to save the Planet of Telepathic Bunnies from their own demise. Imagine what would have happened if we hadn't come upon them in time to explain that they should eat carrots instead of trying to play sport with them." 

"It would've been a tragedy indeed, Captain."

THEN WHAT DID THEY EAT BEFORE YOU - WE - WENT TO THEIR PLANET? 

"Ah, Lieutenant. You have our tea." 

Death sighed. YES, CAPTAIN. CARROT TEA. ONE SUGAR OR TWO? 

"I asked the same question," the communications officer, Exoticbunny, whispered to him after he'd finished handing out tea and carrot cakes. She gave him a warm smile. "They thought I was silly. Oh well. At least I can learn something here, even if it's not quite everything I expected when I left home. Fuzzy Bunny Forest. Have you heard of it?"

I BELIEVE I'VE MET YOUR BROTHER. 

"Twitchy? Oh, wow, I should go back for him. He was too scared to come with me, and this isn't exactly where I expected to end up, but now I know my machine works I can take him wherever he wants to go!" Twitching her nose with delight, she showed him an oddly-shaped device that looked just like his. 

Death nodded. He put the tea tray under one arm and carefully tugged his skirt down. It only barely covered his little bunny tail. He was starting to get used to the tail.* It certainly made sitting down a little more comfortable. He resigned himself to waiting until the next time he passed through his own reality. 

_*much more decorative and useful than the last time he'd had a tail, when he'd manifested for the death of the barbarian leader Wor Ul't'r'a't'h of the Gr'eat P'unc''tu'a't'io'n Tribe of Lower Ultravia. The combined belief of the tribe had led him to manifest as a giant comma. Of course this had led to all sorts of unhealthy jokes about full stops and colons. Death believed in punctuation, but not when it led to puns._

* * *

"Even if you know the Master ain't comin' to any harm, it was still wrong to give him a multidimensional reality shifter disguised as a birthday present! This ain't his idea of a fun gift! And what's with all the bunnies?" 

The tiny figure in the robe and cowl shrugged, then sniggered. SNH. SNH. SNH. 

"Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't want to be you when he gets back." 

 


End file.
